Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
