I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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