New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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