I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
