So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
