I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
