i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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