maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
