Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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