is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This house was built for laser tag.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
