don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
