oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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