You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
