two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
