My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
