Ambien. No doubt about it.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
