just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
