wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
