She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
