I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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