Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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