what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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