Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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