And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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