Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
