You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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