It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
