the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm getting married
To pizza
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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