Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
