Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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