what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
