i permit you to call me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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