The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
