careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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