you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
