Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
