You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
