i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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