"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
nutella sex= disaster
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
