Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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