so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You smell like stripper and shame
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
