Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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