Please, let me fuck your mom
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
