New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
