So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im part way to drunk.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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