Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
