i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
