I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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