Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
COCAINE IS GR8
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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