Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
