What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
