something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
