Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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