Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
